Five ‘Ishqiyapas’ to be cautious of : Pankaj Dubey

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Pankaj Dubey,writer Pankaj Dubey, Pankaj Dubey writerINVC  NEWS
New Delhi,

All you boys, men, boys turning men and men turning boys : If you are in love, Mohabbat, ishq! Be careful! Five ‘Ishqiyaapas’ which can be avoided easily .

1.       Don’t eat like a hungry lion: I used to be a hungry lion when tandoori chicken was served hot and spicy in front of me.  I was not aware that I was concluded to be a ‘hurried’ and ‘spill in seconds’ type of man. Let me tell you guys! Women can find about your sexual chaos by the way you eat. So be Careful, next time, when you pounce on that Tandoori chicken!

2.      Keep your hands in your pockets: Guys, if you have a small palm, better keep it in gloves on in your pockets. Women judge men with small palms. In women’s world, a small palm signifies a smaller ‘pleasure organ’! Also avoid handshakes if you have a softer hand. You can be judged again!

3.      Never see the mirror: Okay, so you are with your girlfriend, walking in the mall! You have mirrors all around. Your girl will obviously gaze herself and reconfirm that she is looking amazing! Nice! But don’t copy that moron! If you check yourself in the mirror, you will be called a narcissist and a self obsessed guy! You will be blamed of loving yourself more than her. So behave that mirror doesn’t exist for you!

4.      Never talk about your mom, Talk about her mom: If you talk about your Mom, you will become a ‘mamma’s Boy’! You will be judged for being a ‘sheltered’ and ‘protected’ guy who doesn’t have a mind of his own. Try talking about her mom, like how you wish your mom would have been like hers and how lucky is she to have a cool mom like hers etc. Forget about your womb-ical attachment with your mother or you will be detached from her heart’s file!

5.      Forget Sex Positions, what matters most is Selfie Positions: When she is taking selfies with you, give her more head space and lights. So that she looks better than you! Never tag a selfie or a picture without taking her approval. She was born to look better than you! You just pose as you are directed to! You are the taller one, so you click the snap button. Remember you have the most important weapon in your hand. Shoot! But never ever shoot her double chin or focus on piggy nose! If you fuck up here, you are gone!

** Pankaj Dubey is a Penguin Bestselling Author of Ishqiyapa- To Hell With Love! and What A Loser! and a filmmaker based out  of Mumbai. He can be reached at carryonpd@gmail.com, twitter@carryonpd

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